Meeting One Tips

Dear Diane,

You are seeing parents for the first time today. Keep in mind that they may feel a little shy or embarrassed. Heck, some are scared to death; odds are, they've been "beaten up" over this tough child they're trying to raise, and they fear that you will think they are bad parents. They may BELIEVE they AR E bad parents. Be kind and patient. Listen a lot. Put them at ease and set the tone for your working relationship with them. Ask questions. You want to figure out what it's like to live with their child.

Give them permission to have help with the materials if they don't read so well. Act like this is "no biggie" and happens all the time. There is huge shame associated with illiteracy. Adopt a low-key, informal, neighbor-to-neighbor style if it fits for you. If that doesn't feel right, be yourself and trust that it will come out alright!

Stress that they hold the keys to finding an effective way to parent their child: they know him better than anyone. Invite them to collaborate with you m identifying and using those keys.

As you introduce the material, be aware that you are treading the fine line between over-selling and under-selling. You want to create excitement and optimism without promising the moon. On one hand, it is important to set high expectations for Temperament Talk, since outcome in learning is directly related to expectation. On the other hand, it is important to avoid sounding as if Temperament Talk is a 100%, guaranteed sure-thing. Your challenge is to find a realistic balance that sets expectations high enough to improve the probability that the material will be successful, yet low enough to prevent disillusionment if the material does not immediately produce the hoped-for results.

If you have more than two parents at your first meeting, you have a small group. You might want to talk with them about extending the time to an hour-and-a-half to allow for discussion.

Clarify the ground rules. If you choose to use the confidentiality pledge, turn to "About Confidentiality" on LG-45. Go over the pledges and sign them . Talk about how you plan to handle cancellations and no-shows. Establish meeting times and places. Be sure they have chosen ONE child to focus on.

If they ask questions you can't answer, don't be shy about saying. "I don't - know, but I'll find out for you."

Be sure they understand your role as temperament specialist. Explain what you do, if you wear more than one hat. Explain that Temperament Talk can be used as a part of a formal treatment plan, or alone as parent psycho-education. Clarify how you are using it, and what referrals are needed.

Without sounding too much like a school-marm, emphasize the importance of doing the homework each week. You will not have time to go over every page during your meetings, so to get the most out of this, they will need to spend time on it outside of the weekly meetings. For non-readers, this will mean working with a reader during the week. Most important: stir up excitement and enthusiasm for the weeks ahead.

Good Luck!

Lyndall, Barb, Kathy, Donise and Barbara

P.S. Don't despair! This is the most complicated meeting to prepare for. They get easier as you go because you do a lot of the start-up things only once.